Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Cardinals-Panthers, The Delicious Sloppy Joe of the NFL Playoffs

by Deghasio


On Saturday afternoon, the 11-5 Arizona Cardinals will travel to Carolina to play the 7-8-1 Carolina Panthers. Just in terms of records, this is unusual.  The Panthers ended a game this year with a draw, an occurrence so rare that you can count the number of tie games this millennium on one hand. (Ultimately the tie did not effect whether or not the Panthers made the playoffs; even if Bengals kicker Mike Nugent made a week 6 36-yarder the Panthers still would have made the playoffs because they have a better division record than the Saints.) Furthermore, sub-.500 teams rarely have the opportunity to host games in January. The last instance was in the 2010 season when the defending Super Bowl champion New Orleans Saints lost 41-36 to the 7-9 Seattle Seahawks despite being double-digit favorites, a game punctuated by the famous Beast Quake.


The two teams arrived in the playoffs in different ways and by overcoming different obstacles. The Cardinals play in the NFC West, and many would not have predicted them to make the playoffs while competing against the Seahawks and 49ers. The Cardinals also started three QBs throughout the season: Carson Palmer (out for the season with a torn ACL), Drew Stanton (missed Week 17 and questionable for Round 1 of the playoffs with a knee infection), and Ryan Lindley (WTF), in addition to playing rookie Logan Thomas in Week 5. The Cardinals survived these and other injuries behind a top-5 defense featuring the likes of standout corner Patrick “21 Reasons” Peterson, superb coaching from likely two-time Coach of the Year Bruce Arians, and an underrated home field advantage (which, incidentally / serendipitously, will host Super Bowl XLIX in 31 days).

The Panthers, meanwhile, were a dominant team last year. They went 12-4 with a great defense, aggressive coaching from Ron “Don’t Call Me Riverboat, I Prefer ‘Calculated-Risk-Taker’” Rivera, and great play from Cam Newton and an aging Steve Smith. One year later, they struggle to finish with over half the win total from last year. Like the Cardinals, the Panthers have had to overcome missing personnel: Greg Hardy has been absent since September due to his domestic abuse case (a factor in Carolina’s precipitous drop in defensive performance), Steve Smith is now ruining defenses lives in Baltimore, and Newton has missed multiple games due to a rib injury and a horrific car accident. Unlike the Cardinals, the Panthers benefit from playing in one of the worst divisions in football. Despite being home to elite QBs Matt Ryan and Drew Brees, the NFC South could boast no team this year that could cobble together even a .500 record. The Panthers, to their credit, won when it mattered, especially in a week 17 win-or-go-home 34-3 shellacking of the Falcons. Against their credit, the Panthers only beat one good team all year, a week two victory over the Lions. (Technically 1.5 wins over good teams, including the week 6 tie against the Bengals.)

So in terms of predicting Saturday’s game—it’s impossible. Many Las Vegas sports books favor the Panthers to win by up to 5 points, the classic “Vegas Zone” in which the bookies have little to no idea who will win. Panthers fans may hope that their home field advantage will buoy them to victory, but Carolina only went .500 at home during the season. Cardinals optimists will point out that Arizona won four more games than the Panthers, but then again their best-case scenario is starting Drew Stanton(best-case scenario). Big-picture, it’s a beat-up but resilient and defensive-minded team with no real stars (Arizona) going against a largely mediocre team with one star (Carolina). History tells us that defense wins championships, and history tells us that stars win rings. So who the hell knows.

The NFL loves to preach the idea of parity, that any team could beat any other team on any given week. Panthers-Cardinals is that principle exemplified. In most NFL games, you usually have an idea as to who will win, or at least a basic template as to how a team could win. For this game, we don’t even know who one of the starting QBs will be. This season has been crazy for both teams—car crashes, scandals, seemingly crippling injuries, exciting comebacks, disappointing performances—and I hope this game will be no exception. The NFL slated this as the first NFL game expecting it to be the worst. While it may be the worst in terms of aesthetic football appeal, it should offer the most entertainment in terms of unpredictability.



Sandwich: A sloppy joe. We all remember these (with a shudder) from grade school cafeterias. I don’t even think the lunch ladies knew what was in this meat. For the most part, you don’t really want to know if you’re brave enough to eat it. I would not have watched Cardinals-Panthers during the regular season unless the life of a loved one was on the line. But, considering that we’re only getting filet mignons for the rest of the playoffs, followed by a 7-month starvation, don’t you want one last sloppy joe?

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