What to eat while watching: Cold Turkey Sandwich.
Watching the World Cup of Basketball just six weeks after
the Real World Cup is like eating a turkey sandwich the day after
Thanksgiving—good in a vacuum, disappointing compared to yesterday’s feast.
Contenders
USA
Sandwich: Grilled Cheese.
Spain
Sandwich: BLT with turkey and Iberian ham.
I know what you’re thinking—how can any team be a contender
when the US is fielding a team? My response: Just because the US has budding
superstar Anthony Davis, former MVP Derrick Rose, knockdown shooter Steph Curry
(who will be helped by a shorter 3-point line), complementary
rebounder/defender/energy guy Kenneth Faried—actually, I’m going to shut up
before I un-convince myself. The Spanish team’s success will really depend on
their big men—the Gasol brothers (bacon and Iberian ham) and Serge Ibaka
(turkey), who have the potential to terrorize the likes of Mason Plumlee and
DeMarcus Cousins when Davis sits. However, a lot depends on Coach/Chef Juan Antonio
Orenga’s ability to maximize the efficacy of his big men. Beyond the Gasols and
Ibaka, the roster is thin: Rick Rubio (lettuce) is the only other big name on
the roster, and his defense on the likes of Curry and Rose has to outweigh his
inability to shoot. For Spain to win, they need their role players to make some
big shots and provide spacing for the big men.Teams I’m mentioning in order to expand the word count
France
Sandwich: Cheese and pickle sandwich (unless croissant
counts as a sandwich).
Overall, a pretty good roster: the French team boasts NBA
veterans like Nic Batum, Evan Fournier, Ian Mahinmi, and Boris Diaw. However, a
cheese
and pickle sandwich leaves something to be desired, and many non-Brits
would prefer a slice of ham in their sandwich. In the case of France, they
can’t just go to the fridge / slaughterhouse to find another Tony Parker, who
will not be participating in this World Cup. Parker’s absence virtually
eliminates them from true contention, but they should still be poised to make a
deep run and potentially upset the Americans or Spaniards.
Greece
Sandwich: Peanut butter sandwich
Sure, Giannis Antetokounmpo will be there, but his recently-drafted
brother Thanasis won’t. Why does Greece refuse to put jelly in their
PB&J???
Brazil
Sandwich: Club sandwich
A club sandwich is nothing to write home about—actually,
writing home about sandwiches would be pretty weird, but then again so would devoting
a blog to comparing sporting events to sandwiches, so who am I to judge?—but
it’s still a safe option to order anywhere you go. Brazil’s team has a number
of serviceable players, including Anderson Varejao (bacon), Nene (poultry),
world champion Tiago Splitter (tomato), and Leandro Barbosa (mayo). This team
might have been upgraded to a club sandwich with coleslaw, but Verejao and Nene
are infamous for their inability to stay healthy, Splitter just finished a
nearly eight-month season, and I just compared Leandro Barbosa to a blend of
vinegar, egg, and 50 pounds of lard. Expect Brazil to be consistent if
unspectacular.
Argentina
Sandwich: The worst Pan Bagnat
you’ve ever eaten
The pan bagnat is an elaborate sandwich. It involves ciabatta loaves (fine), tuna (fine), olive oil (fine), pitted olives (hmmm…), onions and bell peppers (this sounds complicated), anchovies and capers (am I just supposed to have these ingredients lying around?) and “white wine vinegar, as needed” (seriously????). This is not the kind of sandwich you slap together fifteen minutes before leaving for work—in fact, you have to weigh it down for up to four hours before it’s even edible. When everything goes right, you have a perfect blend of flavors, kind of like the Golden Generation of Argentines that won the 2004 Olympics. However, if you don’t prepare it carefully enough, you end up with an oversalted, messy, weirdly-textured creation on your hands (and, most likely, your shirt and lap). This is what is happening to Argentina. The savvy Argentines might be able ride veteran savvy and heart to a quarterfinal or even semifinal berth, but don’t expect them to medal without Ginobili.
The pan bagnat is an elaborate sandwich. It involves ciabatta loaves (fine), tuna (fine), olive oil (fine), pitted olives (hmmm…), onions and bell peppers (this sounds complicated), anchovies and capers (am I just supposed to have these ingredients lying around?) and “white wine vinegar, as needed” (seriously????). This is not the kind of sandwich you slap together fifteen minutes before leaving for work—in fact, you have to weigh it down for up to four hours before it’s even edible. When everything goes right, you have a perfect blend of flavors, kind of like the Golden Generation of Argentines that won the 2004 Olympics. However, if you don’t prepare it carefully enough, you end up with an oversalted, messy, weirdly-textured creation on your hands (and, most likely, your shirt and lap). This is what is happening to Argentina. The savvy Argentines might be able ride veteran savvy and heart to a quarterfinal or even semifinal berth, but don’t expect them to medal without Ginobili.
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